Too Hurt To Forget
by Ageless Writer
Summary: Who is Johnny Tuturro? At Graceland they would answer that he's loveable. A goofball. A grinning idiot. Or at least... That's how they would answer before all hell broke lose. Now, they don't know who this strange is. Who is this Johnny Tuturro? Will he ever be the same? Very high T. Mostly for swearing and mentions of abuse, suicide attempts, and other triggers. Possible DJxJohnny
1. Chapter One: Strange Behavior

Chapter One: Strange Behavior

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

For the first time since Mike left a month ago, things were starting to get back to normal. Well, mostly back to normal. Paige still watched over Charlie, making sure she didn't slip back into a heroin addiction. Charlie continued to watch over Briggs, unsure how much truth was behind his 'panic killing'. And Johnny... Johnny was the one that worried me most (surprisingly).

He became the enigma of the house, something that I always thought was my title. He still came out to bonfires and laughed with us, talked to us here and there. But for the most part, Johnny kept his distance. He's been spending more and more time away from the house, and when he's at the house, he's in his room. With the door shut. He's never kept his door shut, (not that I would know...).

It was strange for him. Beyond strange. And I'm not the only one who's begun to notice. "Jakes. Think you could attempt to, speak to Johnny for me?"Charlie asked. I looked at her, my brow furrowing.

"Seriously? Me? Talk to Johnny? You sure that's the best thing for me to do?"I asked. She huffed at me and crossed her arms.

"Please. He won't talk to me about whatever it is that's bothering him. Briggs has tried a night for the two of them at some club. That didn't work. Paige has even offered to help him meet some of her girlfriends. And he turned her down. Please... You're our last shot." she looked at me, pleading. I sighed.

"I'll... Try to talk to him. I'm not making too many promises though."I got off my bed and walked her out of my room while I made my way to Johnny's. I knocked on his door, softly.

"C'mon in. Not locked."I heard his voice. I opened the door, almost taken aback from the scene ahead of me. Johnny was laying on his bed. With a book in his hands. Reading it.

"John Sanford?"I questioned about the title. Johnny smiled and shrugged.

"He's one of my favorite authors. I love his _Prey_ series."Johnny grinned. I raised an eyebrow.

"You. Read?"I asked, trying not to laugh. He shrugged.

"Honestly... I love reading. It's not surfing. But it's almost as good. Almost. Why? Didn't think I knew how to hold one?"he asked, a sort of venom in his voice. He must have noticed how he sounded, because he grinned at me. "What? Didn't think I knew about how y'all view me? It's alright. I know it's all for fun and games. Haha." The way he said it was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn't. Instead it made everything feel even more off.

"Not that. Just thought you were a... More active person. That's all."I shrugged, shifting my weight from foot to foot. Johnny gave a knowing smile, another thing that was throwing me off. Who was this man? Where was the goofball we all knew and loved at Graceland? Well... Liked. Loved is too strong a word.

"Unhuh."he threw his feet over the side of the bed and rose up, slipping his shoes on. He grabbed his book and hat, looking at me. "Now. If we're done here. I'm going to head out. Adiós."he moved past me. "Shut my door on your way out!"he called at me from the hallway.

I stopped, feeling somewhat stupefied. That man was not Joseph Tuturro. Or at least, he wasn't the one we knew at Graceland. Something was beyond wrong with him. Beyond. Taking a deep breath, I exited the room, shutting it. Turning around, I jumped up.

"Damn it Charlie. Let a guy know when you're behind him. Okay?"I swore. She studied my face before speaking.

"Johnny? How is he?"she asked. Well, guess there would be no small talk.

"That ain't Johnny. That man likes to read almost more than surfing. He just left me in there. And he... He was almost... Mean sounding to me. Mean."I shook my head. "Didn't know he had it in him."

"Not even when he shoved you against the wall a few months ago?"she asked, eyebrow arched. I sighed.

"I brought that on my self. I was drunk off my ass and starting trouble. He just took up for himself because I slugged him first."I reminded her. She sighed.

"Okay. So what are we going to do about him?"Charlie asked. I looked up, collecting my thoughts.

"I don't know? Maybe he's just suffering from Mike withdrawals. Weren't they like, super-close?"I asked. If looks could kill, I'd be dead.

"Close? Yeah. They were like best friends. But I don't think they had anything going on... Since Mike and I..."she trailed off. I raised my eyebrows, fighting a grin.

"Really? Do tell..."she hit me playfully. "Oww. Charlie..."

"Shut up. I need you to focus on John. Okay? He's acting like..."

"A bastard? A recluse? A lone wolf?"I suggested. She sighed.

"I want our Johnny back."she made her way downstairs. I took in a deep breath and walked back into my room, laying down on my bed.

"I want him back too..."I whispered.


	2. Chapter Two: When Things Were Simpler

Chapter Two: When Things Were Simpler

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

~A Few Years Ago~

_My door opened and someone jumped onto my bed. I groaned. "Damn it Johnny!"I swore, opening one eye to glare at the Hispanic man laying beside me. He grinned._

_"Hello Sleepin' Beauty. Time ta get going. C'mon. Up and attem."he rose up. I swore and turned over. _

_"No. I'm sleeping. Get the Hell out."I growled. I felt the bed move and then fingers on my sides. I laughed grabbing his wrists to get him to stop. "Damn it John. What do you want?"I finally spoke once my breath was caught. He gave a cheeky grin._

_"Briggs and Donnie told me to get you up for a guys night." He answered. I swore and let go of his hands._

_"Out. I'll get dressed."I told him. He got up and left, shutting my door back. I swore, getting up and getting dressed, pulling my dreads into a ponytail instead of dealing with them..._

_We got to The Drop and walked in. "Wanna play darts?"Donnie suggested. Briggs smirked._

_"Sure. We do teams though. Me and Dale vs. you and Johnny."Briggs challenged. Donnie smirked, taking up the bet._

_"Losing team does winning team's chores for a week?"he asked. Briggs grinned._

_"Deal." and with that, we were in a challenge for our chores. Briggs went first, tossing a nice center shot. He shot a look at Donnie. "Beat that Banks."He winked. Donnie chuckled and easily mimicked Briggs' success. The teams neck in neck._

_After awhile, it came down to a sound off between me and Johnny. The Latino man winked at me. "Wanna kiss for good luck?"he smirked. I rolled my eyes._

_"I don't need luck, you might though." I quipped, taking my shot. Bastard got me to miss my first shot. I glared and threw my next dart, getting a little over the center mark. I swore and threw the last one, getting under the mark. I looked at Johnny who was shooting me a smug smile. "Take your damn turn Tuturro."I growled out. He chuckled and took the darts for himself._

_Perfect scores on his part. Briggs swore while Donnie and Johnny high-fived each other. "Looks like you two will be taking on our chores."Donnie grinned at Briggs. Briggs sighed._

_"Deals a deal."he lamented. We decided to drown our sorrows in whiskey while the other two celebrated with beer. A blonde woman walked over to Donnie._

_"Hey Handsome. Wanna dance?"she asked, fluttering her eyelashes at him. Donnie grinned._

_"I'll meet you at the dance floor."he answered, watching as she left. Johnny chuckled._

_"Is Lauren gonna be okay with that? Won't she like kill you when you get back?"he asked. Donnie winked._

_"What Lar doesn't know, won't kill me."he grinned and went to the dance floor, finding the woman. Briggs shook his head, said something about the restroom before leaving. Johnny looked at me._

_"So not gonna find a girl to dance with?"he asked. I shrugged._

_"Might at some point. Only a few worth gettin' to know."I answered him. "You?" It was his turn to shrug._

_"Maybe. Though I'm just as likely to dance with a man."he gave a wink at me before starting to the bar, leaving me there at our table, stupefied._

I couldn't ignore my stomach any longer. Getting out of bed, I made my way downstairs, to the kitchen. Johnny was sitting at the island counter, looking over a case file diligently. "Hey."I greeted him. He looked up at me, briefly, nodding his head. Acknowledging me.

"Hey. If you're looking for the cereal, it's in one of the top shelves."Johnny told me. I looked at him.

"Why is it there?"I asked, getting milk out of the refrigerator. Johnny sighed.

"I had some free time, so I organized the kitchen."he answered. I stopped in my tracks. Organized... Johnny? What? I turned to him.

"You... Organized... The kitchen?"I asked. He looked at me, furrowing his brow.

"Yes. I did. Why?"he asked. I shrugged.

"No reason just... Not something anyone hears from you... Or expects to hear you say..."I admitted. I fixed my bowl of cereal, sitting across from him. Johnny glared.

"Why? Cause I'm supposed to be messy? Honestly.. I can be extremely neat. You've seen my room lately. It's nice and neat."he spoke softly, but it was... An... Almost menacing... Tone. Menacing. Johnny.

"Okay. You're right. We tend to assume too often. I'm sorry."I shrugged and began to eat. "So what case are you working on?"I asked. He sighed, calming down I suppose. (Was he even mad?)

"Gang activity in the West End. Guns being sold on the street. Arms dealing. I gotta shut it down. Then I'm done." He took a deep breath, looking over the case more.

I chewed a spoonful of Cheerios. "Done? You mean done with the case, right?"I asked. For some reason, the way he said 'done' didn't set well with me.

"I guess I should tell you now... I'm leaving after this case is finished. I don't know where yet, but I'm leaving Graceland. Silvo even agreed."he shrugged, as if it was no big deal. He looked at the clock. "Now, if you'll excuse me... I gotta go."he took the file and gathered it all up in a tote. He waved at me, taking the JEEP keys and leaving.

He was going to leave Graceland. Johnny was leaving Graceland. Why? Why? I swore and hurried to finish eating, needing to call a meeting between the rest of the house, sans Johnny. Maybe even have Charlie call Mike to see what he says... Johnny can't leave Graceland, not when we've already lost Mike, Donnie, and Lauren. Not when things were still fragile in the house... (Not when I'm getting used to that goofy grin...)


	3. Chapter Three: Meeting

Chapter Three: Meeting

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

I had everyone, sans Johnny, in the living room. Paige tapped her foot impatiently. "Why are we here again?"she asked. I took a deep breath.

"Johnny told me something that's... Actually a bit terrifying today... He's leaving. Graceland."I answered. Charlie looked at Briggs, then at me.

"Leaving? Just like that? What the Hell?"she asked. Briggs shook his head.

"Wonder why he wants to leave?"he looked at one of the group shots we had, Johnny was giving bunny ears to Charlie, who was playfully glaring up at him. That was the Johnny we knew. Not this guy. Paige sank to the ground.

"Great. First Mike, now Johnny... And we're getting that new guy... Damn. Why is everything so complicated here lately?"Paige held her legs to her chest. I shrugged. Charlie looked at Briggs.

"Pauly. Any chance we can talk him out of it? Or stop him leaving?" She asked. Briggs shrugged.

"Honestly... I don't think so. It's his choice. If he wants to leave... Then he can. I don't like that he wants to leave, none of us do, but there's not much we can do if all his cases are solved."Briggs sighed and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Charlie." Charlie glared and pulled herself away.

"I'm gonna call Mikey... Surely there's something he can do..."she exited the room, pulling out her phone. I shook my head and looked at Briggs.

"I agree with you, Man. If he wants to go, we can't stop him..."I sighed and left for my room. As I walked down the hall, I noticed Johnny's door was opened, even if he wasn't there. I stopped, contemplating something I shouldn't have been contemplating. '_I could go in his room and look around... See what's wrong with him..._' I thought, looking at the door. I sighed and walked into my own room. I couldn't just barge in. That wasn't me.

~A Few Months Ago~

_Johnny looked at me from the sink. "So... Are we okay?"he asked, looking into my chocolate eyes with his amber ones. I took an orange from the bowl, thinking of what had transpired. _

_"We're good. After all, true friends stab each other in the front, just like we did."I told him. That satisfied him._

_"Yeah. No stabbing each other in the back for us." He grinned and held out his arms. "C'mere and lemme hug them braids."he moved towards me as I moved away. I chuckled and shook my head._

_"Hey. Hey. No. One, they're dreads. And you ain't goin' nowhere near them."I laughed._

I laid there in silence, closing my eyes. '_Damn I miss the goofball..._'


	4. Chapter Four: Heat

Chapter Four: Heat

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

About a week had passed since the meeting, and Johnny had become a total recluse. He talked little or none at all to us. He was always out or locked in his room. It was driving us crazy. Charlie couldn't deal with it and left most days, thrusting herself into her work. Paige tried to talk to him at every chance, only to be rebuffed. And Briggs... He was like me and just left Johnny alone, knowing talk would be useless. Of course, I was reaching my own silence level...

I walked out of the bathroom one day, and noticed Johnny in his room, the door open for once. I knocked on the half open door. "Yo John! Can I come in?"I asked. I head the movement stop in his room.

"Yeah, sure man. C'mon in."Johnny called from the room, the movement starting up again. I walked in, almost shocked to see him packing.

"I take it your case is done?"I asked, my eyebrows raised. He shrugged.

"Yeah. I still gotta wait about a week before I can leave though."he admitted. I sighed.

"Well. I wish you good luck. Hope you... Like it wherever it is your going."I told him, watching as he finished packing. Johnny smiled.

"Looking forward to a new start. Told them I didn't care where I was put, just didn't wanna end up in another safe house like this..."he told me, sitting on his bed. I sighed.

"Johnny... What's wrong? You're not acting like... You. And then all this leaving business? What the Hell? Why are you wanting to leave all of a sudden?"I couldn't stop the words from leaving. I felt the air around us change, become charged. His whole demeanor changed and he stood up, body rigid, as if prepared for a fight. He glared at me, staring me in the eyes.

"All of a sudden? Trust me, it ain't all of a sudden. And I am acting like me. The me that I was before Grace freaking land. But you don't wanna know the truth. The truth hurts. And the one your saying you wanna know, is one of the most painful."He glared. I stood my ground, looking him back.

"Actually, I do wanna know. So start talking."I challenged, crossing my arms over my chest. He flared, going off as if he were a bomb.


	5. Chapter Five: Broken

Chapter Five: Broken

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

He crossed over the room, keeping his eyes on me. "Every since I been here. I got no respect. None. I'm just the clown that y'all went to to feel better, to give you something to laugh at. Well no freaking more. I was okay helping you guys laugh. To feel better. Because that's what a familia does. Helps each other."He shook his head.

"But you know what? That all changed. It went to Hell. You beat the shit out of me, Charlie snuck off with some federali. Briggs became a fucking runaway! A convict so to speak. And then you help him escape. What the Hell?"he seethed.

"And its hard not being taken seriously. Because in all honesty, I'm just as smart, if not smarter than you people here. I'm beyond the pissed mark. Beyond. I was top of my class everywhere I went. I was beat as a kid. I still found a reason to smile. Always. But no. NO. You guys all have some sort of problem. And you run. Fucking run!"he swore, point an accusatory finger at me. He tensed his jaw up.

"So I'm going. I'm going somewhere that I can trust who I work with, because I know damn well I can't trust none of you. And I'm tired of working with people I can't trust."he shook.

"I'm sick and tired of all this bull. I'm tired. I'm doing what I shoulda done a long time ago. I'm leaving, and if all goes well, I ain't comin' back." He trembled. "I'm tired." he whispered. "I'm tired Dale. Of being the butt of everyone's joke. Of never being taken seriously because all you guys see when you look at me is a prankster. I'm much smarter than just a prankster. I'm more serious than just the guy that makes you laugh. I only took that role here because you guys needed to laugh some. But like Hell it worked."Johnny swore up and down, glaring at me, calling me 'Dale' for the first time ever.

"I'm so tired. Dale. I'm so tired."he whimpered, voice and body softening. He fell to his knees, shaking. I fell to my knees and pulled him close, feeling tears hit my shirt. I tried to soothe him, holding him close to me. "I'm so tired. So tired. I wanna feel better."he whispered, his voice quivering. I carefully picked him up and laid him on his bed. He looked up at me, showing vulnerability for the first time in awhile.

"Rest. You're exhausted. Mentally and physically."I whispered. His lip quavered.

"Stay?"he whispered. I bit my lip and sighed.

"Yeah..."I sat with him on the bed, tensing when he curled into me. I relaxed and held him, listening as his breath began to even out and the tears stopped. I ran a hand through what hair he had, hoping whatever was the root of his issues, that they'd be resolved when he left. No one deserved the kind of mentality running through his head...


	6. Chapter Six: Healing

Chapter Six: Healing

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my own original characters. Graceland belongs to Jeff Eastin and the other producers of USA network.

I carried Johnny to the airport that following week. We had gotten closer since his outburst, and I tried to help him whenever he felt down. We talked and laughed, almost like old times. Almost. Unlike old times, I hugged him close when he felt down, slept at night with him so he could sleep. I never would've done that back in the day, but he needed it this time. Needed the reassurance and sanity.

At the airport, I walked him to his gate. "Have fun in New York."I told him, giving him a small smile. Johnny grinned.

"Wow. It's rare to see you smile. Full moon or something?"he asked, joking. I chuckled and hit him playfully in the shoulder.

"Get on your damn plane before I beat you."I chuckled. Johnny smiled and kissed me softly, taking off for his plane. I stood there gaping, my mind ceasing to think. Did he really just...? No he... How? Why? (My brain definitely short circuited.) My phone whirred with a text. From Johnny.

-_Don't mind do ya? ;) _- he text me. I shook my head and swore.

_What the hell?_- I replied. He responded instantly.

_Love you too. _- I shook my head and smiled, leaving the airport.

_Yeah. You better._-


End file.
